Poet Lady Katz: new forum comment on Poem from your prompt -Love is the Aftermath of the Storm

New comment from Susan Katz

Sorry for the delay in saying – You are so welcome!!!

https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/poem-from-your-prompt-love-is-the-aftermath-of-th

Original Post by georgia_pearl

Poem from your prompt -Love is the Aftermath of the Storm

<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Love is the Aftermath of the Storm </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">Love is </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">When you hold me tight after my tears have abated </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">When the sky stops crying and the wind stops the trees from shaking </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">And the earth is moist and green </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">Love is the silence that softly soothes the stricken scene </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">It needs no words to start the healing of a heart storm torn </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">Love is when the crash is past in the </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">Aftermath of the storm </span></p>

comment made on…

<p>Good morning, and thank you for sharing your "love"ly poem with me.  I think it is very well written, has an inviting rhythm and perhaps, could benefit from just a few little edits.  Please see my suggestions below…</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="s1">Love is the Aftermath of the Storm (I would remove "the" – "Love is the Aftermath of Storm")<br /></span></p>
<p><span class="s2">Love is </span></p>
<p><span class="s2">When you hold me tight after my tears have abated(I would remove "when" and just go with "Love is / you holding me tight after my tears have abated…)<br /></span></p>
<p><span class="s2">When the sky stops crying and the wind stops the trees from shaking (I would end the line after "stops" and then go on to the next line – creating what we call enjambment – a very effective poetic technique)<br /></span></p>
<p><span class="s2">And the earth is moist and green(I might use :when here, instead of "And" creating a nice echoing of your previous lines)<br /></span></p>
<p><span class="s2">Love is the silence that softly soothes the stricken scene(Love is silence softly soothing the stricken scene…)<br /></span></p>
<p><span class="s2">It needs no words to start the healing of a heart storm torn(It needs no words to heal the heart…)<br /></span></p>
<p><span class="s2">Love is when the crash is past in the (This line doesn't make grammatical sense – I might just go with – Love is the aftermath of storm…)</span></p>
<p><span class="s2">Aftermath of the storm </span></p>
<p>Remember that in poetry, less is more.  If you can find a way to say something in five words, don't use ten – and, while repetition is often effective, sometimes, it gets in the way of the poem's message and passion.  This is essentially, a fine poem.  Well done!  Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>