New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Good morning, Sarah,</p>
<p>I'm sorry for the delay in getting this email to you – it's been a busy few days.</p>
<p>Your poem has power, poetic integrity, and passion – having said that, I believe it needs to be reigned in a bit. We need to be able to understand the poem – not only in its entirety – but in the moment – in the line and the way the line connects to the next line. For example: </p>
<p>"The flowers in my room bleed out rouge de red</p>
<p>musing its ethos by the bedside scoffs</p>
<p>Regret with vixen eyes and smile vile…"</p>
<p>The first line is great but then the second line doesn't seem to connect us to where we just were – are the flowers "its-ethos?" If so, it doesn't seem to offer us a coherent connection. Do the flowers scoff? Whose "vixen eyes and smile vile…?" I think your language and your imagery is fabulous – poetic and definitely powerful but, we need coherence so that we can follow along on your poetic journey.</p>
<p>What I would suggest (it always works for me) is to back off for a day or two – then go back and read the poem and find the essence of it – the message – the emotion and try to take those great lines and mold them a bit more softly to the lines that follow – read it and ask yourself – if you hadn't written it – would you understand it – feel it – connect to it.</p>
<p>You have a powerful voice – now you need to call on the studious poet to turn passion and possibility into the power of poetry – poetry we can share emotionally with you.</p>
<p>I hope this helps, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/when-the-clock-strikes-2-again
Original Post by Sarah01
When the clock strikes 2 again
<p>The flowers in my room bleed out rouge de red</p>
<p>musing its ethos by the bedside scoffs </p>
<p>Regret with vixen eyes and smile vile </p>
<p>Rots in my mouth a taste of insignificant,</p>
<p>Clueless asked past omniscient</p>
<p><em>did we matter/ </em></p>
<p>do you remember or not</p>
<p>We press them over our hearts like an emblem- our identity, the cards</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">The perpetual hour and the pain of mistakes gambled singlehand </p>
<p>What are vices?</p>
<p>Our Regrets wed in brothel- sculpted from hardcore marble </p>
<p>and basked in Styx were these wounds </p>
<p>So disbarred and coiled up without rampart</p>
<p>Can I call your conduct caprice? </p>
<p>Sparken your parlour tricks if you may </p>
<p>But don't dare break my heart</p>
<p> ~ Sarah </p>
<p>I have submitted a few poems over the years. But I am unsure and unable to judge what I wrote here. I will deeply appreciate a honest review. Thank you Susan. </p>
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