Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

If you’re on my site, you have a connection to poetry. Feel free to connect with me – right here -right now, by typing your message into the “chat box” and clicking send. I’m waiting…

 

Your friend in poetry, Susan

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I’d like some feedback on my work! Excited to have stumbled on your site! I really have no idea what I’m doing. I’m not sure what people like to ... (1 reply and 3 comments)

georgia_pearl
1 year ago
georgia_pearl 1 year ago
  1. You’re a Beach 
  2. You rise with the tide

    You’re a gentle and smooth ride 

    You’ve so much deep and unexplored 

    You take me to a sparkling shore 

    The water’s blue like your eyes 

    Your hair’s an ocean wave’s glide 

    Your skin is like the sea swept sand 

    The sun is the warm touch of your hand

Susan Katz
1 year ago
Susan Katz 1 year ago

Good morning, and thank you for sharing your poem with me.  I do believe you have some fine moments in this short poem and am happy to offer some suggestions.

  1. You’re a Beach  (Is this meant to be the title?  Also, am unsure of why there is a 1. / 2. -? - Also, if the image is "You're - and I would prefer "you are" - a beach, then "you rise with the tide seems confusing - the beach doesn't rise with the tide - the ocean does.  So, maybe, the image is "you are a beach devoured or diminished, by the tide...)
  2. You rise with the tide

    You’re a gentle and smooth ride (Don't know if you need "You're" again as we know who you are talking to - or that you are talking to one specific person. In poetry "less is more" - in other words, find just the right words, put them in the best possible order - and depend on imagery - metaphor and simile - to get your message and feelings across to the reader.)

    You’ve so much deep and unexplored (again - don't know if you need "You've so much" - which is, by the way, grammatically incorrect - you are so deep and unexplored might work better.)

    You take me to a sparkling shore (nice)

    The water’s blue like your eyes (Don't need "the" - just go with "water's blue like your eyes / your hair glides like an ocean wave /  your skin is (image here - coarse/soft/restless/inviting...)

    Your hair’s an ocean wave’s glide 

    Your skin is like the sea swept sand (do you want to use the same image - the sand - again?  Perhaps - your skin in like the wind that sweeps the sand - your skin is the sand in the aftermath of storm... - something that makes this image unique to the poem.)

    The sun is the warm touch of your hand (This is lovely.  A perfect ending.) You certainly have a fine sense of what poetry is and there are some very "inviting" moments in your poem.  I think, with a little work, you will have a very soft and engaging poem.  I would like to invite you to check out some of my lessons here at http://www.poetladykatz - perhaps they could answer some questions you have about poetry.  Please feel free to send me an edited version and shoot some questions at me, if you like.  Again, thank you for sharing.  You're friend in poetry,
    Susan

georgia_pearl
1 year ago

Thank you so much for sharing your comments with me and the thoughtfulness you put into it! You made some very good points that I will definitely work on.. I would be interested in the lessons though I couldn’t get the link you posted to work for me. I did see the other “lessons” section though. Thank you for your time and suggestions!

georgia_pearl
1 year ago

Also for clarification, I chose the name “ You’re a Beach” because the poem used images from list of things that make a beach, and not just an ocean. ☺️ So I was thinking of a beach as everything that makes up a beach (ocean, sand, sun etc) and not just the strip of sand.

Susan Katz
1 year ago

Hope you've been able to use the lessons in a positive way. Do hope to see more of your work in the future.

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