Home Forums Poetry Talk Hard to breathe by Ayushka Rajput

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  • #17855
    Ayushka21
    Participant

    Sometimes you know it’s hard to breathe,Temptation makes it hard to see…The more I feel,The more I starve!  I drank the darkness with the star’s …  My bones are all that’s left with me!     

     

    #18480
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Well done!  I’m a slight bit confused by the lines “the more I feel, The more I starve!”  I’m having difficulty connecting “feel” and “starve” but, “I drank the darkness with the stars… My bones are all that’s left with me” is strong and well written.  I wonder if the word is “of me” rather than “with me” but perhaps you have a meaningful reason for your choice of words.  I will definitely consider your work for featuring in one of my Instagram posts over the next two weeks.  Thank you so much for sharing, Susan

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