Home Forums Poetry Talk 404: HUMANITY NOT FOUND

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  • #17870
    tanvilad
    Participant

    Human life is such a shame

    Everyone around is only playing the game of blame

    Fights on Religion and caste and what not

    The vein of humanity is about to clot

    Sitting home during this virus and criticising is so simple

    The doctors are still trying to fight with smiles and dimple

    Is politics superior than lives?

    It’s better to suicide with a knife

    Attacks on doctors and Stone throws

    Is this how our country should grow?

    God has entered the body of doctors it seems

    And your cribbing for not being able to go to gyms

    Co operation is all they need

    Let’s unite together and plant the humanity seed

    Doctors are sacrificing their lives for others

    And you want to Rome around and gather

    So many worries and a year full of cries

    And still you want some cheesy fries

    The base and foundation within us is slipping as if we are standing on Grease

    Pray for ones who are gone and may their souls rest in peace!

                                                — Tanvi Lad

    #18491
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    You certainly managed to get a lot of information and emotion into your poem and I thank you very much for sharing it with me.  It is too long for me to consider for featuring on my Instagram page, for this week’s poetry submission feature.  I would, as I have said to many others, suggest you back off a bit on the rhyme and try to incorporate more in the way of imagery (metaphor and simile.)  Poetry should make us see, hear, taste, touch, and smell and then, react emotionally.  You have all the ingredients for a very fine poem, you just need to do the hard job, all poets must do, of editing.  Thank you again for sharing your work with me, Susan

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