Home Forums Poetry Talk Morning : Mourning of darkness

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  • #17911
    parsan.2
    Participant
    Masses of silver shine above,
    Below stands wilderness.
    The rain droplets try hard 
    and hard and hard 
    to abate sadness.
     
    The crickets shreik loudly,
    the canvas of horizon 
    is painted with darkness.
    Nothing to see, 
    retinas are perplexed,
    A luminescent firefly gives relief in this state of blindness.
     
    Suddenly, a mass of energy grows in the east.
    Marigolds assume colour, sparrows celebrate feast.
    Cicadas turn enigmatic,
    nests being left by sparrows.
    Enthusiasm seeps in,
    heated rush in the bone marrows.
     
    It is the mourning of darkness as it lays pale and still,
    Light stands proclaiming to the world,
    I am here to spread positivity. 
    I am determined and I will.
    I will.  I will.  I will. 
     
    Life is an exact replica of sun,
    emerges from darkness, sweet rise then;
    harsh proceedings lead to loss of peace and fun,
    And the final sunset is a battle lost and still won.
    #18551
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    This is a very thoughtful and well conceived poem.  I think it would benefit from editing as, in poetry, less is more – and often there are many words that really don’t add anything to the meaning or rhythm of the poem.  I think you have some real talent and would love to see this poem again, after you’ve had a chance to edit it, if that is something that you are willing to do.  It is too long for my current request for 2 to 4, un-rhymed poems, using imagery.  However, if you do resubmit an edited version, I will be happy to consider it for featuring on my poetladykatz Instagram page, at some future date.  Write on!  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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