Home Forums Poetry Talk Strength Of Hope (Edited)

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  • #17915
    SriSougandhika
    Participant

    I will stay here for eternity,

    Don’t you worry a bit,

    I’ll be the mighty sky and you be the seamless sea, 

    We are separated indeed, still meet at the horizon.

    Let the love become the indestructible bond,

    Unbroken forever and ever.

    #18546
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Nice use of imagery and not dependent on rhyme.  I would suggest that you might want to consider that in poetry, less is more.  In other words, if you don’t absolutely need a word, don’t use it.  In this lovely little poem, removing the words (a bit) in the first line, the word (and) in the second line, the word (indeed and still – changing meet to meeting at the horizon) in the fourth line,  the word (the and the) in the fifth line, would tighten the poem, giving it even greater impact.  I think you really understand the essence of poetry and simply, like all poets, have to go back to your poem and do the job of editing.  I will be considering your poem for featuring on a future poetladykatz Instagram post.  Thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan

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