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  • July 16, 2021 at 1:03 am #17930
    thejassleenkaur
    Participant

    In the dessert, parks and snow

     to spend time with each other 

    let us go

     .. let us go for a journey without knowing that how adventurous it is ..

    .. let us go for a path without knowing that where the path is going. . 

    let us go to enjoy the moment without knowing that how memorable it is .

    let us go for the love without caring that how far we are..

    let us go to stand before the window without knowing that how beautiful the view is .. .. 

    let us go for the universe… where selfishless ,lovely, affectionate and caring people are there . .. … .. .. .. 

    July 16, 2021 at 8:19 am #18569
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Thank you so much for sharing your very light and lovely poem with me.  You have some strong moments in your poem however, there are some real issues with translation into English.  For example: You do not need the word “that” in your lines – the line works more accurately and more grammatically, without “that.”  Also, I think the word you are looking for is “selfless” not “selfishless.”  Just a couple of possible edits.  Your poem reflects a true understanding of the mission of poetry.  And I am delighted to have had a chance to read it.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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