Home › Forums › Poetry Talk › Path to Home

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • August 10, 2021 at 10:03 am #17987
    Writerin_closet
    Participant

    Walk a lonely path
    Dusty and broken
    Winds gushing on my face
    Pushing me to change my way

    A broken house by the road
    Withered ,broken in places
    Yet standing still with its foundation intact
    Broken yet not destroyed

    Not a single bird or a plant seen
    As if death,Surrounding the road
    Waiting to take what it wants
    Chasing after anyone on the path

    With the last ray of the twilight
    The night draws near
    The end of path draws no close
    The air turns cold stale
    As if she herself exhaled her life away

    In the distance a single lamp lights
    Illuminating a path familiar in make
    A path that I chose not to take before
    The path I left to walk on this
    Withered road

    The wind itself pushing me on the path
    Though end of this path too not visible
    The fragnance of flowers the
    Life in the atmosphere allures me to it
    Distant I see a house,
    Maybe this path leads me home
    Change is necessary

    For we all are looking our way home

     

    ~writerin_closet

    August 10, 2021 at 3:08 pm #18639
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    You have some very strong, emotional moments in your poem and tell a story of being lost and then, hopefully, finding yourself, finding your way home.  It is a compelling story and one, many of us, can relate to.  Your poem needs some editing – in poetry – less is more.  Find the words that really don’t add anything to the telling of your “story” and take them out, perhaps rewriting the lines  Also, check your grammar, as there are a number of places where the word is in the wrong place or there are some issues that simply confuse rather than enlighten.  I believe you have the beginnings of a poem worth working on, worth bringing into the light and I look forward to reading it again, after you’ve had time to work on it.  I would respectfully suggest you have a look at some of the lessons here on the site.  I think that many of them might help steer you in the direction of turning words on paper, thoughts in your head, into the power of poetry.  Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me, Susan

    August 10, 2021 at 5:00 pm #18640
    Writerin_closet
    Participant

    Mam, I understand , I was engrossed in imagery so I wrote the whole scene like a story, poem is imagery but in few words…
    I will work on it, hopefully get better, using all resources at my disposal.
    Thank you for nudging me in right direction.😊
    I will make changes and get back to you.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.