Poetry Talk

Thank you so much for sharing your very inviting, very self revealing poem.  I think you have some wonderful moments in your poem – moments that are both compelling and quite well written.  There are some places where your grammar (English not being your first language) gets in the way of the poem’s intent.  For example:

Peeping through the window,
Running in the wild I saw,
My younger self
Just look (how) handsome he was
A boy of simple bones and flesh
With nothing to impress
Just his sheer innocence

The rest of the stanza is excellent  – delightful – well-written and subtly poetic.  I like the way you have three “slant rhymes” at the end of your stanza, “flesh” “impress” and “innocence.”  Deftly done!

Your poem has a presence and a purpose and invites us to read on.  I would love to see it again, after you’ve had a chance to do a bit of editing (remember, less is more, in poetry) and address the grammatical issues.  Thank you so much for allowing me the  opportunity to read your poem.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

Good Morning from Connecticut, USA. You have made wonderful progress with your poem. You have tightened it, and addressed most of the issues with English grammar. I might add, poetry is often forgiving when we take language and twist it about a bit. And so, some moments in your poem work really well. I particularly like your first stanza but wonder if you meant to say –

With nothing to impress
WITH NO ONE TO IMPRESS
Just his sheer innocence
WITH HIS SHEER INNOCENCE

I truly like your ending – the "confession" if you will that this journey you've taken us on, this "friend" you introduce us to in your poem, is the boy's imagination. Lovely. Rather than go over the poem here, may I suggest you read some of the lessons here on my website. I talk about imagery, rhyme, poetic techniques, and editing. Your poem has come a long way and deserves the attention to detail I think would make it a truly meaningful poem. Please let me see your next version of it and perhaps, I will be able to feature it as my "Poem of the Week" after you've been able to declare it "finished." Keep on writing and believing in yourself. I do think you have talent. Write on, Susan

You are in no danger of letting me down. I am impressed by your enthusiasm, your creativity, your talent, and your persistence. Just about everything a person needs to be a good writer.

Thank you for that very intense and emotional and human explanation of what the poem means to you. I hear what you're saying in your poem and was not implying you change your message but only that poetry is an art form, and like all art forms, it has rules and ways in which words come together to form ideas. I do believe you have talent and I do understand the place from which your poem was conceived and, I congratulate you on being able to take those punishing feelings and put them into words and put the words into the format of a poem. Keep feeling – keep writing – keep sharing. Poetry has always offered me a way to manage my life by being able to speak it, in all its joy and sorrow, love and loss, gratitude and anger, though the power of the poem. – Susan