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  • October 15, 2021 at 4:38 pm #17996
    Seema Dinesh
    Participant

    When I enter a dark pathway

    I garner light as I sway

    For I am the lamp of my way.

    The darkness can’t consume  me,

    The deep dark cave can’t hinder me.

    For Iam the lamp of my way.

    No matter how bleak and gloomy,

    Let the cave be dark and desolate,

    I can smoothen it away,

    For Iam the lamp of my way,

    For Iam the lamp of my dark pathway!

     

    October 16, 2021 at 10:08 am #18663
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Very impressive poem.  I like your opening lines – they flow beautifully and set the stage for the rest of your message.  A few suggestions:  “can not” instead of “can’t” – “smooth” instead of “smoothen” which does not exist in English – and separate “I” and “am” – and finally, I don’t know if you need the last part of your ending line “of my dark pathway” as ” “For I am the lamp” says it all.  Well done.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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