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  • November 4, 2021 at 7:56 am #18004
    therelatingfeel
    Participant

    Oh soul of infinite burdens 

    I know you have to keep strong 

    Because this society is so disgraceful

    I know you have so much pain

    You are crying so deep in heart

    But this society doesn’t accept your tears

    It will humiliate you tease you let this not bother you anymore

    So boy get up you are also a soul

    You do have a heart with lots of emotions

    Spell them out and and let tears flood through eyes

    Let pain come out and show yes we have emotions too

     

    ©therelatingfeel

    November 4, 2021 at 2:23 pm #18671
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Thank you so much for sharing your poem with me.  It is filled with honest emotion and humanity.  I would suggest, for the sake of the poem, that you try to find places where you could, perhaps, use an image instead of telling us.  Let me give you an example:

    “society is rusted and disgraced” – “let tears flood your eyes like summer rain…”  A poem becomes accessible when we can see, hear, taste, feel, and even smell the feelings you are writing about.  You have a strong poem – I think you could make it even stronger.  I will, of course, consider your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December.

    Your friend in poetry, Susan

     

     

    November 4, 2021 at 2:30 pm #18673
    therelatingfeel
    Participant

    This honest review means aton lot to me.
    Thank you for giving hope to my poetry to fly high….
    Forever grateful looking forward

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