Home › Forums › Poetry Talk › Chasing butterflies.

Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • November 6, 2021 at 12:11 am #18014
    Sun
    Participant

    With dry days, with heat waves of june I write,                                      with all the deja vu, I write you this invite,
    Bring along some joy and some surprise
    We would greet, chasing our own butterflies.

    Let’s talk, talk all through the night
    and chase the dawn before it gets bright.
    With barefoot and with the glow in our eyes,
    We would run, chasing our own butterflies.

    Be it our good times or be it a big fight,
    Never could I, never would I keep you out of my sight.
    Under our own clouds, under our own skies,
    We would dance and dance chasing our own butterflies.

    Listening to our heart when things won’t get right,
    We got to hold ourselves, hold really tight.
    To all the laughters and to all the cries,
    We would laugh again, chasing our own butterflies.

    There will be dark again and there will be again light,
    The sea will again be calm and all quite.
    Yet after all the farewells and all the goodbyes,
    We would meet again, chasing our own butterflies.

    November 6, 2021 at 9:28 am #18683
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Thank you for this delightful poem that flows with a lovely repetitive quality and has some very fine lines.  I understand your desire to rhyme the poem but, in doing so, you often interrupt the thought and/or rhythm.  Example: “Listening to our heart when things won’t get right, We got to hold ourselves, hold really tight.”  “Listening to our heart/ telling us that nothing/ is quite right/ we need to hold on/ to ourselves, hold on really tight…”  I often, when writing my poetry, read it out loud to myself in the hope that the sound of the words coming together and, the rhythms that the words create, will be easier to detect (and edit) when spoken aloud.  I would suggest you try that with this very charming poem.

    I will consider your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December, and thank you for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com  Your friend in poetry, Susan

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.