Home Forums Poetry Talk That day of the year.

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  • #18019

    Smoking out frustrated thoughts

    Neglecting the fact thee life is short

    Whats coming is almost evident

    Blurred eyes, mind seems confident

    Of different lights and different shades

    Hoarding memories before it fades

    Remnant energy mingling with smoke

    Tends Bothering heart, which is broke

    Life’s all about Misconceptions and wine

    Inhaling smoke make things fine

    And Smirking can be like grenades

    Heathers growing betwixt two barricades

    Merriment making asinine decisions

    Sobbing eyes, oriented vision

    Shrieking like no one’s around

    Darkness, only place i found

                                           – NADIA NEYAZ 

    #18692
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Hi Nadia – thank you for submitting your emotional poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  Your poem has a strong message and a comfortable flow but, there are some moments in the poem, when the English word or combination of words, and the tense (present/past/future) is incorrect.  For example: “Neglecting the fact thee life is short…”  The word “thee” should be “that” to be read correctly in English.

    “Hoarding memories before it fades…”  “Memories” is plural, meaning more than one, therefore “fades” should be “fade” – “Bothering” should possibly be “bothered”  and “broke” should, to be correct, be “broken.”

    All of the elements of a very fine poem are here and are just waiting for the hand of the “editor” side of the poet, to jump in and start working on tightening and correcting and turning the first version of the poem, into the finished version of the poem.  I feel your intensity and do believe, you have writing talent.  Thank you again, for sharing your work with me,  Susan

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