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  • November 7, 2021 at 7:44 am #18023
    A.Zaman
    Participant

    Harvesting  Happiness

     

    Look inside—

     

    The pockets of your heart.

     

    You have a seed of grief,

     

    A  seed of sadness

     

    Its Minute — yet heavy on your heart

     

                            It’s restrained your wings,

     

    When have you last soared

     

                                >And seen the sun rise ,

     

    Have you been dreaming,

     

                                       of sunflower fields.

     

    And doves of hope against blue skies.

     

    When will you draw

     

                     the curtains of the night’s sky ?

     

    And see the stars,

     

       that’s waiting to guide you back home  

     

    Your heart wants to empty,

     

                              It’s seeds of sadness

     

    So bury it.

     

    And when eyes puff up like clouds,

     

    Water it in the rain of your tears.

     

    Your hearts yearning,

     

    For a tree, to bear fruits of happiness.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    November 7, 2021 at 11:06 am #18697
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    I notice this is the second poem you’ve submitted and I noticed something else, as well – you have a recognizable voice.  There is a cadence to your poems, the way you arrange the words, that is consistent and resonates with the reader.

    Again, as with your other submitted poem, this poem would benefit from some word “cutting.”  Example:  Words like “yet” “and” – “When have you last soared/ seen the sun rise/ dreamed of sunflower fields…”

    I very much like your work – I find it meaningful and purposeful and relatable.  I think this poem needs only the poet’s scalpel – a bit of trimming – a bit of editing, here and there, maybe a change of tense in one spot or another, to make it something really very special.

    Thank you for submitting your poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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