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  • February 22, 2022 at 1:58 pm #18043
    RG983
    Participant

    Anew, yet in doom!

    Pious patina of life’s passion,

    In shades of worries & wonders;

    Finds fullness, in nature’s casket,

    Kissing the crest, heaven anigh.

    Am that gale of monsoon, O greeting golden grains,

    In the camouflage of dazzle, from camellia to camomile;

    Smearing fragrance exotic, or colours decked bright,

    Painting thoughts in this clouds, as if an artist were I.

    In the bosom of mine bower, blushes cherries as red wine,

    & robins, in disguise, art announcing endless love;

    From thickets, even hosting lil’ cicadas at choir,

    Inking tales, am immersed, in divine idle pleasure.

    Vagabond in the vales, I indulge in brewing beauty

    Luring mine soul with the bird of paradise;

    In iris, I imbibe idyllic passion,

    Imitating the tale of immortal insight.

    Beyond flaws, beyond doubts, beyond spheres of existence-

    Inebriated mine soul, by shades of wondrous horizon;

    Which fountain the fashion of unfathomable creation,

    Letting dive into the blossoms, anew yet in doom.

    R.G.

     

     

     

     

     

    February 22, 2022 at 3:27 pm #18734
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Thank you for sending.  There are some beautiful moments in your poem.  You have used alliteration – almost to perfection, in some instances.  “In the camouflage of dazzle, from camellia to camomile;”  “Pious patina of life’s passion, / In shades of worries & wonders;”

    I am truly impressed with the way you articulate your way through the poem – English I presume, is a second language – and yet, you manage to use it very well to express yourself through the art of poetry.  There are some moments when I stumble over the wording but, having said that, your poem is really very, very good.  I will definitely consider it for the week of March 4th when my theme (and now you know before anyone else) will be “The Moods of March.”  I am very impressed with your poetic skills. 

    May I suggest you go through your poem and look for moments when the poem could be edited a bit – taking out a word here or there and, checking the grammatical implications of words and word combinations.  A poem is always a work in progress.

    Thank you so much for sharing, Susan

     

     

     

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