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  • May 25, 2022 at 4:18 pm #18096
    Tiny glowing star
    Participant

    Everything is shattered,

    My mind seem to be asleep,

    In the chamber of darkness,

    Why do my emotions feel so numb?

     

    Looking at the past,

    I was a blooming flower,

    With hopes to soar in desire,

    Where did this solitude ascend from?

     

    I am speechless,

    Without happiness to wonder,

    I am emotionless,

    With spikes struck in my helpless heart!

     

    Oh, what a wonderful time,

    With you I had, my deceased love!

    I consecrate these enchanting memory,

    While lying down, dreaming in my enternal chamber.

    – Swetha.

    May 26, 2022 at 11:47 am #18781
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Thank you for sharing this extremely emotional poem with me.  One can feel the love and the loss and, therefore, is drawn into your joy and sorrow.  There are some grammatical errors, and, in some cases, the tense is wrong – for example: “these enchanting memory” “memory should be memories as “these” implies more than one.  I’m also wondering if when you use the word “ascend” you might have meant “descend” – ascend to go up – descend to come down.  You might want to go through the poem and check the tenses, grammar and, see if here or there a word might be removed or replaced.  All in all, a very fine effort and a very moving poem.  Thank you so much for sharing with me, Susan

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