Thank you for sharing. There are some lovely moments in your poem and an abundance of emotion. Please see suggestions below:
Engulfed in desires, (I would make it “desire” not desires – and get rid of the comma – you want it to flow – not bring us to a “stop”)
Their love didn’t reach me, (Love didn’t reach me works better here “their” is confusing)
Yet I told those bitter words-frivolously, (“told” those bitter words – not sure what that means – perhaps “hold” those bitter words – then just leave a few spaces and go on to “frivolously”)
A hopeless daughter I was! ( I would leave off “I was” and exclamation point – don’t give us a reason to pause or stop)
Pain wouldn’t go away, (better way of saying this? Pain was my constant companion – pain always by my side…)
Nor did I care to save my wandering heart! (Nice!)
Hope this helps a bit. Your friend in poetry, Susan
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