Poetry Talk

You rise with the tide

You’re a gentle and smooth ride (Don’t know if you need “You’re” again as we know who you are talking to – or that you are talking to one specific person. In poetry “less is more” – in other words, find just the right words, put them in the best possible order – and depend on imagery – metaphor and simile – to get your message and feelings across to the reader.)

You’ve so much deep and unexplored (again – don’t know if you need “You’ve so much” – which is, by the way, grammatically incorrect – you are so deep and unexplored might work better.)

You take me to a sparkling shore (nice)

The water’s blue like your eyes (Don’t need “the” – just go with “water’s blue like your eyes / your hair glides like an ocean wave /  your skin is (image here – coarse/soft/restless/inviting…)

Your hair’s an ocean wave’s glide 

Your skin is like the sea swept sand (do you want to use the same image – the sand – again?  Perhaps – your skin in like the wind that sweeps the sand – your skin is the sand in the aftermath of storm… – something that makes this image unique to the poem.)

The sun is the warm touch of your hand (This is lovely.  A perfect ending.) You certainly have a fine sense of what poetry is and there are some very “inviting” moments in your poem.  I think, with a little work, you will have a very soft and engaging poem.  I would like to invite you to check out some of my lessons here at http://www.poetladykatz – perhaps they could answer some questions you have about poetry.  Please feel free to send me an edited version and shoot some questions at me, if you like.  Again, thank you for sharing.  You’re friend in poetry,
Susan