Home Forums Poetry Talk Longing revelation

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  • #18143
    Fahad Khalique
    Participant

    I don’t know about others, but 

    As anything puts all efforts

    To come into existence; like 

    A tiny seed tears apart 

    The hard soil before growing

    Same way; like 

    A mother experiences latitude

    Before bearing a child

    And the gestural condition of 

    A Prophet before devine revelation

    Like; a volcano turns red, ferocious

    And fierce before eruption

    As the sea bashes it’s head 

    Against the shore before a hurricane

    The contingency of independence

    That creates turmoil and resistance

    Before holding it’s final status

    The same way I feel 

    Untill and unless,

    I indite my mental milieu

    On the paper; which turns 

    Into a poetry. 

    #18861
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Thank you so very much for sharing your poetry with me.  Your poem has a strong presence and some powerful lines (

    As the sea bashes it’s head

    Against the shore before a hurricane

    There is strong imagery here and in some of your other lines as well.  If I were to offer an editing suggestion, it would be to go back through the poem, removing all words that are not necessary to the power, purpose, and flow of the poem.

    Your friend in poetry, Susan

    #18862
    Fahad Khalique
    Participant

    Gratitude Galore.
    What if I exclude the line from (The Contingency…..final status)?

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