Poetry Talk

Comfort
1 day ago

If this be windows to your soul (Do you want multiple windows – or just one window to the soul?)

Darling, your house is flooded,

Cracks on the walls covered by portraits distract gazing eyes, (this is really strong – how about removing punctuation and letting the poem flow like a stream of consciousness?)

A room once for your inner child, now darkened with your younger self hiding under the blanket,

Hues of the paint losing its illuminance, (luminescence)

Your door sealed with locks, none, not even the locksmiths could open, (I would leave it at none can open – and not include the locksmiths)

Your tap drips timely, a gentle reminder of the leaks you have not fixed, (not sure what "tap drips timely" means)

Floors soaked; how long can your house bare the weight? (bear – not bare)

What once was a temple, now ravished by demons and lost souls… your lost soul.

If this be windows to your soul (I would make it "the" window)

Darling, your windows are tinted.

I do love the way you slip in that "Darling"at the end – you might want to see if there are places where you feel you could "tighten" the poem as it seems to me it should be like a closed fist – it's tough and speaks with conviction. In poetry, less it more, so the tighter a poem, the more impact it has. Really well done, well written poem. I hope my few suggestions help. – Susan