Reply To: Mighty Men

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so much for sharing your very inviting, very self revealing poem.  I think you have some wonderful moments in your poem – moments that are both compelling and quite well written.  There are some places where your grammar (English not being your first language) gets in the way of the poem’s intent.  For example:

Peeping through the window,
Running in the wild I saw,
My younger self
Just look (how) handsome he was
A boy of simple bones and flesh
With nothing to impress
Just his sheer innocence

The rest of the stanza is excellent  – delightful – well-written and subtly poetic.  I like the way you have three “slant rhymes” at the end of your stanza, “flesh” “impress” and “innocence.”  Deftly done!

Your poem has a presence and a purpose and invites us to read on.  I would love to see it again, after you’ve had a chance to do a bit of editing (remember, less is more, in poetry) and address the grammatical issues.  Thank you so much for allowing me the  opportunity to read your poem.  Your friend in poetry, Susan