Reply To: Had to be said..

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so very much for sharing this very emotional, and intensely felt, poem with me.  I like the consistent tone, the rhythm (though I have a couple of suggestions there) and the message.  There is something wonderfully noble about the “me” in this poem. 

Disdain me but
Behind the curtain
I look                                                          ( lovely, tight rhythm here!)
Not as a puppet master                             (do you need the “a” here?)
But a concerned bystander you loathe     ( I would love to see you “tighten this line)
I only cheer behind the curtain                 (do you need “only?”)
With all my adoration for you                   (do you need “with?”)
Like I said previously          (this is more a declaration than a line in a poem – do you need it – just eliminating it and moving right to your next line would tighten your poem and take it to a quicker, more dramatic ending.  In poetry, “less is more” – think of the poem as a fist – the story as the open hand.)

My life resides in you (nice!)

Your poem is powerful because you have committed emotionally to it.  I think, as well, that it is very well written and, my suggestions (and they are just that, suggestions) attempt to take your poem into a more poetic consciousness.  Disregard them if they do not resonate with you.

Again, thank you for trusting me with your poem, Susan