Reply To: Hidden Scars.

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing.  There are some lovely moments in your poem and an abundance of emotion.  Please see suggestions below:

 

Engulfed in desires, (I would make it “desire” not desires – and get rid of the comma – you want it to flow – not bring us to a “stop”)

Their love didn’t reach me,   (Love didn’t reach me works better here “their” is confusing)

Yet I told those bitter words-frivolously,  (“told” those bitter words – not sure what that means – perhaps “hold” those bitter words – then just leave a few spaces and go on to “frivolously”)

A hopeless daughter I was! ( I would leave off “I was” and exclamation point – don’t give us a reason to pause or stop)

Pain wouldn’t go away,  (better way of saying this?  Pain was my constant companion – pain    always by my side…)

Nor did I care to save my wandering heart!   (Nice!)

Hope this helps a bit.  Your friend in poetry, Susan