New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Good afternoon, Comfort. There is certainly power and purpose in this poem. Some great lines and some fine moments – for example: "you’ve become nothing to everyone and everything to everyone…" "</p>
<p>your mind has become a theatre,</p>
<p>death upon death, prewritten, you, your own executioner,"</p>
<p>I won't make any particular suggestions except to say – "less is more" in poetry. In other words, if you can say something in three words, don't use five. Try to find the most compact and powerful way of saying what you want us to know, to feel -using imagery (metaphor and simile) using alliteration, enjambment, hyperbole, rhyme and rhythm will help "translate" your poem into a tighter, more impactful poem. There is power is your poetic voice – now, if you work on technique, you will have one very fine poem. Thank you again, for sharing your work with me. Have a lovely weekend, Susan </p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/im-really-bad-at-titles
Original Post by Comfort
I'm really bad at titles
<p>My heart stretched out on the wings of a phoenix,</p>
<p>I live so I can die, so I can live again, so my flames can be warmth to new skin that I shall wear,</p>
<p>My smile is but a trumpet blown till my lungs surrender to the lack of oxygen,</p>
<p>The end is nigh, the end is nigh! But you do not hear it, you hear a sweet symphony,</p>
<p>oh, sweet child, how you’ve become nothing to everyone and everything to everyone but only for an instance, only when you’re needed,</p>
<p>how your mind has become a theatre,</p>
<p>death upon death, prewritten, you, your own executioner,</p>
<p>hush.</p>
<p>can you hear it? When you glimpse at a rope, or a blade laying seductively on the counter or when you walk too close to a bridge that’s high enough,</p>
<p>can you hear it? A mother’s call “my child, you’ve suffered, come onto me and know peace”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My smile is but a trumpet blown till my lungs surrender to the lack of oxygen,</p>
<p>My end is nigh, my end is nigh!</p>
<p>Let me die so I can be reborn again,</p>