New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Thank you for sharing your very powerful poem – filled with energy and an intensity that one can feel. If I were to suggest something, it would be to use more "poetic" tools in your poem – such as, metaphor, simile, alliteration, rhyme, and onomatopoeia. For example:</p>
<p>To stand in a room of faceless screams, ( I would take out the punctuation so the lines flow together – as in thought – we don't punctuate our thoughts.)</p>
<p>To reach out for hands with no fingers, (you could be more concise – in poetry, less is more, "reaching with blunt hands…")</p>
<p>To cry out to these soulless veiled figures. ("my voice a soundless echo…")</p>
<p>And I keep trying to run, run away, but why ("running without moving – nothing there – chained to air")</p>
<p>are my legs chained? Chained to nothing…..</p>
<p>Don't tell us what you want us to know – show us, make us feel it through images we can relate to. I would be happy to see this again after some editing, if you are inclined to resend it. </p>
<p>Thank you so very much for your interest in www.poetladykatz.com Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/the-silent-screams
Original Post by Dreamer
The silent screams..
<p>To stand in a room of faceless screams, <br />To reach out for hands with no fingers,<br />To cry out to these soulless veiled figures.<br />And I keep trying to run, run away, but why<br />are my legs chained? Chained to nothing…..<br />Maybe if I plead they would let me run. <br />But to whom do I plead? Where did they go?<br />Those…those faceless figures, weren't they<br />right here(where?) staring hungrily into my eyes?<br />Sucking the last essence of truth from me?<br />(what truth are they searching for? what truth<br />do I hold? what is it that I know?)</p>
<p>O! help me! They seem to be chasing me. <br />Yes, I am running. But my legs are chained<br />but the chain never seems to pull me. (Am<br />I really chained? Are these chains real?)<br />I can't see them anymore. Those hooded figures.</p>
<p>Maybe this silence is consuming me. Maybe <br />I am a slave to this nothingness. My thoughts<br />seem to scream to me. (Whisper, please.) My<br />thoughts are not mine. They….they are being<br />conferred to me. Whose thoughts are these?<br />They are here. The soulless monsters.</p>
<p>Take my voice. My thoughts. My soul. Spare <br />my sanity. Spare my identity. Spare me the truth<br />of knowing that you never existed. You aren't<br />real. (But why do they seem real? Like humans.)<br />Allow this void to consume me. I will sell my<br />dreams to you. Give you my hopes. (Hopes?)<br />Let me out. Let me out from this chained place.<br />Let me out. And I keep pleading to those red<br />hooded soulless figures. But I am chained.<br />I am chained and my voice isn't mine….</p>