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  • November 10, 2022 at 11:19 pm #18113
    Comfort
    Participant

    Flag raised, white.

    I surrender.

    Onto you, my walls shall bow,

    My bridges shall no longer arch,

    My guards will hold no arms, nay, I will not have guards,

     

                                          I surrender.

    My truth without a mask,

    My self without remorse,

    my castle without paint to hide my cracks,

    onto you I surrender my whole,

     

    The key to my castle, I surrender to you.

    November 11, 2022 at 10:09 am #18804
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    I would only make one suggestion.  Your last line might be more powerful, and poetic, if it were to read – “The key to my castle to you (line break) “I surrender.”  Your poems are well written, emotionally compelling and engaging.  I am delighted that you have chosen to share them with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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