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  • March 4, 2023 at 9:52 pm #18135
    Fahad Khalique
    Participant

    O dear humanity!
    O beloved humanity!
    You’re very precious to me
    And I don’t want you to forfeit
    Let’s migrate to some other place;
    Into the hut of a destitute
    So that you can breathe freely
    And cherish your presence.

    Do you know?
    This world is enemy;
    To beautiful things,
    To divine creations,
    To heavenly souls,
    To morality and ethics
    And, i must acknowledge
    You will feel alone
    Humiliated and alienated
    On the earth, full of humans.

    You’ll be allegedly abused
    People will laugh at you
    They will teach you humanity
    How to behave, talk and meet
    Beyond this how to treat
    And at the last
    You will be hanged, claiming inhumane.

    Remember, this is a post-truth era
    Where lie lies on the tongue of justice
    And truth suffocates into the hands of lady justice
    Sympathy and forgiveness find no shelter
    Peace and harmony are extinct.

    You tell me:
    What people will do?
    By adhering to you;
    It will be a grave loss to them ;
    They will be mocked
    In your accompany
    And people will call them
    Uncivilised and outdated.

    Hail to the entire world!
    When you will be rejected,
    Like satan defied Adam,
    By majority of the wits
    And nobody will follow you
    So, I suggest, better to leave,
    This glittering and desired world,
    To reside in the hut of a destitute.

    March 5, 2023 at 1:34 pm #18839
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Thank you so much Fahad Khalique, for sharing this very powerfully imagined poem.  I have noticed some grammatical errors and also some spelling errors but, the poem gets its message across.  I can feel the passion and the need to speak your truth. 

    I very much like the stanza below – you make some very distinct and emotional statements and I would like to just offer a few suggestions on how I think the stanza (and the poem) might benefit from a bit of editing.  See my suggestions in parenthesis below:

     

    Remember, this is a post-truth era (I would remove the comma and just say – “Remember this ‘the’ post-truth era…”)
    Where lie lies on the tongue of justice (Where lies lie on the tongue of justice – I love this line!!!)
    And truth suffocates into the hands of lady justice (I might just say that “truth suffocates” and not use lady justice or justice again.)
    Sympathy and forgiveness find no shelter (I would remove the “and” – sympathy forgiveness find no shelter…)
    Peace and harmony are extinct (You might want to say “Peace and harmony ‘go’ extinct”)

    I think you should be very proud of the passion, purpose, and poetic technique that you have put into this poem.  Thank you so much for sharing with me, Susan

     

    March 5, 2023 at 6:25 pm #18840
    Fahad Khalique
    Participant

    Thank you so much Susan Katz for such valuable suggestions. It will carve my poetic persona in a healthy way. I thoroughly appreciate your poetic benevolence and mentorship. Gratitude Galore.

    March 6, 2023 at 10:45 am #18841
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    You are so welcome. This troubled world could very much benefit from the words spoken from your poet's heart. I appreciate your trust in me and look forward to reading more of your work. Your friend in Poetry, Susan

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