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February 19, 2023 at 10:18 am
#18832
Susan KatzKeymaster
Good Sunday morning and thank you for sharing your poem with me, I’m delighted you were inspired to write it by a prompt on the site. The poem is well written and has some lovely moments. I will make a few suggestions (please feel free to ignore them) that address the poetic truth, that less is more. In other words, if a word is not absolutely necessary to the poem, don’t include it. See my suggestions below… BTW this / indicates a line break)
Dreams
Are a part of living (Remove “Are” – just go with Dreams / a part of living)
Fantasy fused with reality (fantasy fusing with reality)
Thoughts igniting reverie (thoughts igniting reverie forming /)
Forming pictures in my mind (perhaps another more visual word for pictures – like visions or illusions…)
They make ordinary things shine (making ordinary things/)
Everyday I look in wonder (shine I look in wonder)
And put pen to paper (put pen to paper)
Trying to bring to life (shepherding – conveying – fetching – to life colorful /)
Colorful, vanishing vapors ( vanishing vapors – colorful vanishing vapors slipping)
Slipping away on a string (away on a string)
Of dreams (of dreams…)
Very well done – just a thought – ditch the punctuation and the capitalization – just go with lower case – we don’t dream “grammatically” – we dream – poetically.
Would love to see it again, after you’ve had time to consider my edits and perhaps apply some of your own. I will be happy to feature it one day either as poem of the week, or in the Art in to Art section on my site.
Your friend in poetry,
Susan