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Susan KatzGood Sunday morning and thank you for sharing your poem with me, I’m delighted you were inspired to write it by a prompt on the site. The poem is well written and has some lovely moments. I will make a few suggestions (please feel free to ignore them) that address the poetic truth, that less is more. In other words, if a word is not absolutely necessary to the poem, don’t include it. See my suggestions below… BTW this / indicates a line break)
Dreams
Are a part of living (Remove “Are” – just go with Dreams / a part of living)
Fantasy fused with reality (fantasy fusing with reality)
Thoughts igniting reverie (thoughts igniting reverie forming /)
Forming pictures in my mind (perhaps another more visual word for pictures – like visions or illusions…)
They make ordinary things shine (making ordinary things/)
Everyday I look in wonder (shine I look in wonder)
And put pen to paper (put pen to paper)
Trying to bring to life (shepherding – conveying – fetching – to life colorful /)
Colorful, vanishing vapors ( vanishing vapors – colorful vanishing vapors slipping)
Slipping away on a string (away on a string)
Of dreams (of dreams…)
Very well done – just a thought – ditch the punctuation and the capitalization – just go with lower case – we don’t dream “grammatically” – we dream – poetically.
Would love to see it again, after you’ve had time to consider my edits and perhaps apply some of your own. I will be happy to feature it one day either as poem of the week, or in the Art in to Art section on my site.
Your friend in poetry,
Susan
Dreams
Are a part of living (Remove “Are” – just go with Dreams / a part of living)
Fantasy fused with reality (fantasy fusing with reality)
Thoughts igniting reverie (thoughts igniting reverie forming /)
Forming pictures in my mind (perhaps another more visual word for pictures – like visions or illusions…)
They make ordinary things shine (making ordinary things/)
Everyday I look in wonder (shine I look in wonder)
And put pen to paper (put pen to paper)
Trying to bring to life (shepherding – conveying – fetching – to life colorful /)
Colorful, vanishing vapors ( vanishing vapors – colorful vanishing vapors slipping)
Slipping away on a string (away on a string)
Of dreams (of dreams…)
Very well done – just a thought – ditch the punctuation and the capitalization – just go with lower case – we don’t dream “grammatically” – we dream – poetically.
Would love to see it again, after you’ve had time to consider my edits and perhaps apply some of your own. I will be happy to feature it one day either as poem of the week, or in the Art in to Art section on my site.
Your friend in poetry,
Susan