Poetry Talk

Hello again. Since your poem is rather a long one, I will select one stanza and make some suggestions that, I believe. could be applied in the editing process, throughout the poem.

First if all, in poetry, less is more -in other words if you don't absolutely need a word then don't use it. Also, be aware of grammar and other poetic possibilities (below…)

Now i sit with memories frail (Don't need "now" – just "I sit…")

Traveller of this desolate mze ("mze" is not a word – clarify – "traveler" not "traveller")

Battles inside grows so loud (Is there another way to say this – more poetic – less words – like "Battles inside intensify… and then you have a nice little slant rhyme)

Save me from this fire wild (How about breaking the line after "fire"creating a bit of enjambment…)

Mute I am, only teary smiles (I would forget the punctuation and just create this in a free form style – letting the words run, one into the other,,,) (I wonder if here you might consider adding some words to create a kind of rhythm – ("Mute I am only tears /(line break) – I am only smiles…")

Mute I am, only teary smiles ( And then perhaps, repeat for your ending – "I am only tear-streaked smiles…"

I hope my few suggestions (and they are just that – please feel free to disregard them – are helpful.

Your friend in poetry, Susan