New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Thank you so very much for sharing this very emotional, and intensely felt, poem with me. I like the consistent tone, the rhythm (though I have a couple of suggestions there) and the message. There is something wonderfully noble about the "me" in this poem. </p>
<p><em>Disdain me but</em><br /><em>Behind the curtain </em><br /><em>I look ( lovely, tight rhythm here!)</em><br /><em>Not as a puppet master (do you need the "a" here?)</em><br /><em>But a concerned bystander you loathe ( I would love to see you "tighten this line)</em><br /><em>I only cheer behind the curtain (do you need "only?")</em><br /><em>With all my adoration for you (do you need "with?")</em><br /><em>Like I said previously (this is more a declaration than a line in a poem – do you need it – just eliminating it and moving right to your next line would tighten your poem and take it to a quicker, more dramatic ending. In poetry, "less is more" – think of the poem as a fist – the story as the open hand.)</em></p>
<p><em>My life resides in you (nice!)<br /></em></p>
<p>Your poem is powerful because you have committed emotionally to it. I think, as well, that it is very well written and, my suggestions (and they are just that, suggestions) attempt to take your poem into a more poetic consciousness. Disregard them if they do not resonate with you.</p>
<p>Again, thank you for trusting me with your poem, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/had-to-be-said
Original Post by Writerin_closet
Had to be said..
<p style="text-align: center;"><em>Disdain me but</em><br /><em>Behind the curtain </em><br /><em>I look </em><br /><em>Not as a puppet master</em><br /><em>But a concerned bystander you loathe</em><br /><em>I only cheer behind the curtain</em><br /><em>With all my adoration for you</em><br /><em>Like I said previously </em><br /><em>My life resides in you </em></p>
<p> ~writerin_closet</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em> </em></p>