Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Had to be said..

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>Thank you so very much for sharing this very emotional, and intensely felt, poem with me.  I like the consistent tone, the rhythm (though I have a couple of suggestions there) and the message.  There is something wonderfully noble about the "me" in this poem. </p>
<p><em>Disdain me but</em><br /><em>Behind the curtain </em><br /><em>I look                                                          ( lovely, tight rhythm here!)</em><br /><em>Not as a puppet master                             (do you need the "a" here?)</em><br /><em>But a concerned bystander you loathe     ( I would love to see you "tighten this line)</em><br /><em>I only cheer behind the curtain                 (do you need "only?")</em><br /><em>With all my adoration for you                   (do you need "with?")</em><br /><em>Like I said previously          (this is more a declaration than a line in a poem – do you need it – just eliminating it and moving right to your next line would tighten your poem and take it to a quicker, more dramatic ending.  In poetry, "less is more" – think of the poem as a fist – the story as the open hand.)</em></p>
<p><em>My life resides in you (nice!)<br /></em></p>
<p>Your poem is powerful because you have committed emotionally to it.  I think, as well, that it is very well written and, my suggestions (and they are just that, suggestions) attempt to take your poem into a more poetic consciousness.  Disregard them if they do not resonate with you.</p>
<p>Again, thank you for trusting me with your poem, Susan</p>


Original Post by Writerin_closet

Had to be said..

<p style="text-align: center;"><em>Disdain me but</em><br /><em>Behind the curtain </em><br /><em>I look </em><br /><em>Not as a puppet master</em><br /><em>But a concerned bystander you loathe</em><br /><em>I only cheer behind the curtain</em><br /><em>With all my adoration for you</em><br /><em>Like I said previously </em><br /><em>My life resides in you </em></p>
<p>                            ~writerin_closet</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em> </em></p>