New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Thank you Swetha, for yet another heartfelt poem. There are, I would suggest, quite a few issues, once again with English word usage and grammar – for example:</p>
<p>Her red hair,</p>
<p>Just blew in a breeze, (you don't need "just" Her red hair / blew in a breeze – in poetry, less is more!)</p>
<p>Shining magnificently like stars, (how about a descriptive word instead of 'magnificently" Shining boldly/softly/brightly/brilliantly…)</p>
<p>In the vast sky without seize! ("without seize" has no meaning in English – are you trying to say "freely" or without being constrained?)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every stroke of her hair, (Are you touching her hair? To stroke is to touch)</p>
<p>Is a sight with pleasure, (Is it a sight or is it something you feel with your hand/with your skin?)</p>
<p>And do not flicker, (These two lines do not mean anything understandable in English – rethink and rewrite what it is you want you to know/to see/to feel)</p>
<p>To measure like a treasure!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes in jealous, (Sometimes I'm jealous – in jealous is incorrect)</p>
<p>Over the astounding hair, (her astounding hair – his astounding hair)</p>
<p>Sometimes in a daze,</p>
<p>Due to the disappearance of ebony hair! (Not sure what these two lines mean – disappearance of whose hair – we get a bit confused here as to who you are talking about.)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, what an enchanting feeling,</p>
<p>That makes my heart to flutter, (making my heart flutter)</p>
<p>I am no longer hesitant,</p>
<p>To accept it as my blissful moment! (Again, this is confusing because we don't understand what the moment is exactly – you were writing about hair – hair is not a moment – it is something you saw and something that touched you – we need to understand that.)</p>
<p>-Swetha.</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/her-beautiful-red-hair
Original Post by Tiny glowing star
Her beautiful red hair!
<p>Her red hair,</p>
<p>Just blew in a breeze,</p>
<p>Shining magnificently like stars,</p>
<p>In the vast sky without seize!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every stroke of her hair,</p>
<p>Is a sight with pleasure,</p>
<p>And do not flicker,</p>
<p>To measure like a treasure!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes in jealous,</p>
<p>Over the astounding hair,</p>
<p>Sometimes in a daze,</p>
<p>Due to the disappearance of ebony hair!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, what an enchanting feeling,</p>
<p>That makes my heart to flutter,</p>
<p>I am no longer hesitant,</p>
<p>To accept it as my blissful moment!</p>
<p>-Swetha.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>