Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Hidden Scars.

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>Thank you for sharing.  There are some lovely moments in your poem and an abundance of emotion.  Please see suggestions below:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Engulfed in desires, (I would make it "desire" not desires – and get rid of the comma – you want it to flow – not bring us to a "stop")</p>
<p>Their love didn't reach me,   (Love didn't reach me works better here "their" is confusing)</p>
<p>Yet I told those bitter words-frivolously,  ("told" those bitter words – not sure what that means – perhaps "hold" those bitter words – then just leave a few spaces and go on to "frivolously")</p>
<p>A hopeless daughter I was! ( I would leave off "I was" and exclamation point – don't give us a reason to pause or stop)</p>
<p>Pain wouldn't go away,  (better way of saying this?  Pain was my constant companion – pain    always by my side…)</p>
<p>Nor did I care to save my wandering heart!   (Nice!)</p>
<p>Hope this helps a bit.  Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>


Original Post by Tiny glowing star

Hidden Scars.

<p>Engulfed in desires,</p>
<p>Their love didn't reach me,</p>
<p>Yet I told those bitter words-frivolously,</p>
<p>A hopeless daughter I was!</p>
<p>Pain wouldn't go away,</p>
<p>Nor did I care to save my wandering heart!</p>