New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Thanks for sending – this has some wonderfully powerful moments and builds dramatically to a very intriguing ending. If I may offer a suggestion – try to create your images (and your drama) with the best possible words, in the best possible order. Unnecessary words just dilute the impact you are going for. Example:</p>
<p>Only the floor was cemented (only the floor cemented / with cracks so there would be / grass to play with / food in tin cans -don't know if you need to say that cans were iron too – and actually, I'm not sure they are iron – perhaps "tin?")</p>
<p>though with cracks so I’d always have grass to play with</p>
<p>the food, came in tin cans, which were iron too,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though… iron walls sound pleasant when it rains, (Don't, I think, need the "though" – just "irons walls sound – another word or image for pleasant – when it rains: – this is a lovely image – one that recalls memories, I think, for everyone.)</p>
<p>Really well done and well written. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. And, may I wish you a very happy, creative new year, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/iron-man
Original Post by Comfort
iron man
<p>I too, am iron man…</p>
<p>My walls, were iron</p>
<p>No brick ever laid</p>
<p>Only the floor was cemented</p>
<p>though with cracks so I’d always have grass to play with</p>
<p>the food, came in tin cans, which were iron too,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though… iron walls sound pleasant when it rains,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The iron house between brick homes,</p>
<p>The iron house with no windows but the holes were wide enough to glimpse at the glimmering candle,</p>
<p>The iron house that made the boy with the iron heart,</p>
<p>The iron house that all the other kids would stare and whisper about,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though… sleeping on the floor meant I’d have no monster beneath my bed.</p>