New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Thank you for sharing your work with me. There are some fine moments in your poem but, I believe you have to choose a rhythm and stick with it. For example:</p>
<p>My eyes had met her before we first spoke as if destiny whispered and said "that's the apple of your eye" (I believe this is a good beginning but, would like to see it in the form that follows…- Our eyes met – we spoke as if destiny whispered – not sure about 'apple of my eye' a bit of a cliche – love how the next lines work – but again, try to keep your format – first hug she gave erotic – would leave off maybe emotions muddled… and from there would love to see you tighten the last stanza.) There's some good writing here and I would very much like to see this again when you've had a chance to do some editing.</p>
<p>I'm on the road the next few days and so there may be a delay in my responding, if you resubmit, but I will as soon as I have the time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first look she gave… inimic</p>
<p>The first words I spoke… comedic</p>
<p>The first hug she gave, I felt erotic or maybe emotions muddled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reluctant to whatever encryption her essence was decrypting as if mines soul was coded with a message to say " I…."</p>
<p>Ney too reluctant to accept it</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/maybe-someday-we-can-be
Original Post by Comfort
" maybe someday we can be"
<p>My eyes had met her before we first spoke as if destiny whispered and said "that's the apple of your eye" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first look she gave… inimic </p>
<p>The first words I spoke… comedic</p>
<p>The first hug she gave, I felt erotic or maybe emotions muddled. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reluctant to whatever encryption her essece was decrypting as if mines soul was coded with a message to say " I…."</p>
<p>Ney too reluctant to accept it </p>