New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Thank you so much for sharing your very inviting, very self revealing poem. I think you have some wonderful moments in your poem – moments that are both compelling and quite well written. There are some places where your grammar (English not being your first language) gets in the way of the poem's intent. For example:</p>
<p>Peeping through the window,<br />Running in the wild I saw,<br />My younger self<br />Just look (how) handsome he was<br />A boy of simple bones and flesh<br />With nothing to impress<br />Just his sheer innocence</p>
<p>The rest of the stanza is excellent – delightful – well-written and subtly poetic. I like the way you have three "slant rhymes" at the end of your stanza, "flesh" "impress" and "innocence." Deftly done!</p>
<p>Your poem has a presence and a purpose and invites us to read on. I would love to see it again, after you've had a chance to do a bit of editing (remember, less is more, in poetry) and address the grammatical issues. Thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to read your poem. Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/mighty-men
Original Post by Being_oasis
Mighty Men
<p>Peeping through the window,<br />Running in the wild I saw,<br />My younger self<br />Just look handsome he was<br />A boy of simple bones and flesh<br />With nothing to impress<br />Just his sheer innocence</p>
<p>Basking in the glorious sun<br />Living his life<br />Under shady comfy trees <br />In a forest called child<br />With fairies by his side</p>
<p>Then on a single day the sun lost its shine<br />The fairies, all went blind<br />The boy was confused <br />For this was the first time he did not know <br />What he has to do?<br />The mighty men arrived<br />The boy ran for his life</p>
<p>They all went after him<br />And he sat in his car<br />The closest to his life<br />As it would into turn into anything<br />He likes or dislikes.<br />He drove through the growing forest<br />Shooting lasers to their mortar</p>
<p>As his laser started increasing<br />Pinching mighty men,<br />Piercing their weapons<br />They came with all their strength<br />Thrashing the poor boy <br />As he sat with his broken friend<br />Ah! The poor broken friend</p>
<p>The mighty men took the boy inside their aging den<br />Schooled him till the day he learned<br />No objection to the men’s word<br />No questions out of syllabus<br />And then he was released.</p>
<p>A shattered man in the wild fields<br />Waiting to unite,<br />With his love, his life<br />His friend of old time<br />Which was still lying <br />In the forest called child<br />O’ poor broken friend<br />O’ imagination wide open.</p>
<p>:-Mohammad Owais<br />(St. Francis’ College)</p>