Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to My Destiny

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>You've made some great changes.  One thing I would suggest is that you "tell" us less and make us "feel" more by using imagery. For example:  'So exhausting to carry along/my never-ending burdens…"  This could become an image – "my burdens/ a sack of rocks/ heavy on my shoulders…"  You have some wonderful and meaningful lines and your message is clear – just try to see where you could use a powerful metaphor or simile.  I encourage you to keep working on your poem as I think it has great potential.  I congratulate you on the progress you've made and look forward to seeing more of this poem, and other work, in the future.  Your friend in poetry, </p>


Original Post by Candice

My Destiny

<p>Dreams within hoping to be true</p>
<p>Reaching the skies so blue</p>
<p>The reason for this</p>
<p>Is the secret of bliss.</p>
<p>To fly so high flapping my wings</p>
<p>Into the deep sinking sea</p>
<p>I recall how I rose up</p>
<p>Amidst all the barriers</p>
<p>And trials immense.</p>
<p>All I wanted and ought to be,</p>
<p>Surprising it turned out to be.</p>
<p>Nothing but my destiny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The journey was too long</p>
<p>So, exhausting to carry along</p>
<p>My never-ending burdens</p>
<p>Dissatisfaction maybe</p>
<p>Each time I persevere</p>
<p>With dedication and sincerity.</p>
<p>I get to know it’s incomplete</p>
<p>And room for improvement.</p>
<p>All I needed is guidance</p>
<p>For what was right and just.</p>
<p>That’s the motivation</p>
<p>That carved my destiny.</p>