Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Take your part of love

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>I was happy to read you lovely love poem.  I do believe you have some fine images and a great deal of emotion – all of which, is what poetry is all about.  Your poem, I do believe, would benefit greatly from editing and rethinking a word here or there.  I am, as an example, confused by "The passion yet spineless…'  Is passion spineless – if so, how, in what way – and do you have an image that would express that.  I like your poem – I think you have talent – but, would love to see it tightened and edited and then, if you like, please resubmit.  Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>


Original Post by Aviana

Take your part of love

<p>I'd look up at the moon</p>
<p>And you'd look me in my eyes.</p>
<p>And I would feel </p>
<p>As if the moonlight lit the ocean.</p>
<p>The passion yet spineless,</p>
<p>Oh! but when you'd smile!</p>
<p>The waves would catch a new fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now the moon reminds me of you,</p>
<p>and the ocean too.</p>
<p>And I tell you!</p>
<p>If even today the empty pages remind you of me,</p>
<p>Ah! The ocean awaits you!</p>
<p>and the waves are still burning.</p>
<p>Your part of love still exists in me,</p>
<p>Though alone,</p>
<p>Yet unmoved.</p>