Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Two Souls under One Roof

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>Thank you so much for sharing your poem with me.  You have a wealth of emotion in your poem and I can feel the joyful ending.  I would like to suggest that you rely less on rhyme and try to find images (metaphors and similes) for your emotions.  Rhyme has its place in poetry, but it shouldn't dictate how the poem is written, the rhythm of the poem or perhaps most importantly, the message of the poem.  I do believe you have the promise of a fine poem here, it just needs, what all writers must adjust to, editing.  I would also like to suggest you read some contemporary poets to get a better feel for how poetry looks on the page and sounds to the ear.  Once again, thank you for engaging with poetladykatz.com  – Susan</p>


Original Post by Shanu Kanjilal

Two Souls under One Roof

<p><span class="s2">Two Souls under One Sky </span></p>
<p><span class="s2">By </span><span class="s2">Shanu</span> <span class="s2">Kanjilal</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>One day we will surely walk in delight</p>
<p>Under that mystical moonlight,</p>
<p>One day we will surely not make any noise</p>
<p>And listen to each other like two innocent toys.</p>
<p>One day we will surely steal time from life </p>
<p>And go somewhere to experience the essence of being alive,</p>
<p>One day we will surely not pretend to be occupied</p>
<p>And do something where we feel not compromised.</p>
<p>One day we will surely not register our memories</p>
<p>In a mere camera, book or dairy</p>
<p>But rather in our mind’s eyes for centuries.</p>
<p>One day we will surely understand the emotions</p>
<p>Not through spoken words, shedding tears, or striking commotions</p>
<p>But through undeclared motions, unstated eyes and unarticulated expressions</p>
<p>One day we will surely meet and be in this world with our promises</p>
<p>And sitting together in the hours of darkness, calculating our hits and misses</p>
<p>And then laugh at our flaws and celebrate our wishes.</p>
<p>One day we will surely meet our conclusions</p>
<p>And it will be an entrance for new illusions, illustrations and even implosions.</p>
<p>Shanu Kanjilal </p>