Reply To: demise of my love

[Susan Katz]

Very lovely, intimate, and well written poem.  If I were to edit this poem, I would start by finding words I could take out, that are not necessary to the meaning and feeling of the poem.  Example:  you don’t need both “safe and protected.”  They are basically the same thing.  I very much liked, “your naked body lies in the grave of my backyard.”  Here, you might want to think of changing the line break so that you use the poetic device called enjambment – where a line means one thing and then when you connect it to the next line, it means more or even, something different.  If you broke the line – “your naked body lies in the grave/ of my backyard…” you would be using enjambment.  I do believe you have a really fine poem here, after you spend some time, as all poets must, editing.  Thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan