demise of my love

[hakakhafsa]

red petals of rosemary blew in zephyr when i saw my lover the day before christmas eve⠀

the heart still remembers the way it used to flutter whenever you whispered words of love to me,⠀

the fingers still remember the feeling of your greasy curls and the midnight tresses tangled around them⠀

and the lips still remember the warmth of the palm of your hand, making me feel safe and protected⠀

painted me in pinks, lavenders and blues, colours i still can’t bring myself to forget about— lighting me up brighter than sirius itself⠀

still the heaven’s creation albeit your naked body lies in the grave of my backyard⠀

promise me love will breathe back, skeleton of your kiss will hum back⠀

beyond the realms of death, tell me nothing is stopping you from coming back.

[Susan Katz]

Very lovely, intimate, and well written poem.  If I were to edit this poem, I would start by finding words I could take out, that are not necessary to the meaning and feeling of the poem.  Example:  you don’t need both “safe and protected.”  They are basically the same thing.  I very much liked, “your naked body lies in the grave of my backyard.”  Here, you might want to think of changing the line break so that you use the poetic device called enjambment – where a line means one thing and then when you connect it to the next line, it means more or even, something different.  If you broke the line – “your naked body lies in the grave/ of my backyard…” you would be using enjambment.  I do believe you have a really fine poem here, after you spend some time, as all poets must, editing.  Thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Author]

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