Reply To: I'm sorry for I didn't reply you

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting this very intensely felt and well written poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  May I suggest that the word “for” should possibly be replaced by the word “that” as it works better and is more accurate, in English.  I also think your poem, which has the one fault all writers prefer to any other, is “overwritten.”  I’m always happy when I ‘overwrite” because it just means I need to do a little cutting away of words and lines, and that is a much easier task of editing, than trying to fill out a line, with more words.  Let me give you an example: 

I was carried away by my emotions’ waves which rebels,
Drifting me into the ocean of tears
As I belonged to no where else.
It ended in a hope of reconciliation.

“Carried away by waves

of emotions, drifting into an ocean

of tears, I belonged

no where and grasped on

to the (slim/fragile?) hope

of reconciliation.”

In poetry, less is more – the fewest words, in the best possible order.  Still, I would say you have presented a well written, honestly felt, and passionate poem that, with a bit of editing, could become something really special.

Thank you again for sharing it with me, Susan