I'm sorry for I didn't reply you

[Riya Jaiswal]

I’m sorry for I didn’t reply you,
Actually I didn’t know what to say.
I was caught up in my own feelings
Where I was the invisible one
And you stood out vibrant.
I was trying to untangle the knots,
Unleash the fire of my soul
Not knowing that it was that spark
That burnt me whole.

I’m sorry for I didn’t reply you,
Actually a lot has happen to me
Whilst I drove up to the highway in search of peace,
Picked the groceries and smashed them all.
Uprooted the weeds and hit the grave
Leaving the trails behind my shadow, walked on the cold sand
Trying to forget the coldness you gave.

I’m sorry for I didn’t reply you,
Actually the agony numbed me
And withered me in all dimensions.
You cast the spell on the naive me—
Who misspelt it as adoration.
You played your trick and I fell into it.
I was just collecting the shells but got bitten by a crab.
It all happened in a gush of wind
Which turned the turbines, blowing me off.

I’m sorry for I didn’t reply you
Actually I didn’t want to.
I felt as if it was not worth stretching it more into something which was indeed nothing.
I was carried away by my emotions’ waves which rebels,
Drifting me into the ocean of tears
As I belonged to no where else.
It ended in a hope of reconciliation.

I’m sorry for I didn’t reply you
Still I like the constellation of freckles on your skin.
I dived in search of pearls not pebbles
So it has to end.
Because I like me better without you and that’s what my mom sees too.
Yet I’m happy for I didn’t reply you.

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting this very intensely felt and well written poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  May I suggest that the word “for” should possibly be replaced by the word “that” as it works better and is more accurate, in English.  I also think your poem, which has the one fault all writers prefer to any other, is “overwritten.”  I’m always happy when I ‘overwrite” because it just means I need to do a little cutting away of words and lines, and that is a much easier task of editing, than trying to fill out a line, with more words.  Let me give you an example: 

I was carried away by my emotions’ waves which rebels,
Drifting me into the ocean of tears
As I belonged to no where else.
It ended in a hope of reconciliation.

“Carried away by waves

of emotions, drifting into an ocean

of tears, I belonged

no where and grasped on

to the (slim/fragile?) hope

of reconciliation.”

In poetry, less is more – the fewest words, in the best possible order.  Still, I would say you have presented a well written, honestly felt, and passionate poem that, with a bit of editing, could become something really special.

Thank you again for sharing it with me, Susan

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