Reply To: Festival of colours!

[Susan Katz]

First of all, I love the concept – the celebration of colors – the connection between colors and emotions.  I think this poem could really be quite wonderful with a few edits and grammatical corrections.  Let me give you some examples:

It’s the happiness,  (“It’s” is a “tight” word and you have a poem that flows – so I would change “it’s” to It is…)

That sprouts in the colour of pink, (color – not colour)

It’s the cheerfulness, (It is the…)

That lingers in the colour of yellow, (I like “lingers” but wonder if yellow isn’t luxuriating in the color – not colour – yellow)

It’s the secularism,

That waltz in a dash like some race!  (Waltzing is slow and elegant and graceful – I find the image jarring – waltz/dash – again I would start with “It is… also, can you find a simpler word for secularism?)

The poem becomes a little confusing at this point and I think, needs to be simplified.  Your ideas and images and flow all work – but the language is a bit convoluted and the poem starts to slip away from us.

One last thing.  I really like your ending but –

The true festival of colours, (colors)

Is the colours that our hearts portrays! (are the colors that our hearts portray or heart portrays – one or the other.)

Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me, yet again.  I love that you are such a prolific poet and that you are willing to share your work and allow me to make editing suggestions.  Please resubmit after you’ve had a chance to work on it.  Your Friend in Poetry, Susan