First of all, I love the concept – the celebration of colors – the connection between colors and emotions. I think this poem could really be quite wonderful with a few edits and grammatical corrections. Let me give you some examples:
It’s the happiness, (“It’s” is a “tight” word and you have a poem that flows – so I would change “it’s” to It is…)
That sprouts in the colour of pink, (color – not colour)
It’s the cheerfulness, (It is the…)
That lingers in the colour of yellow, (I like “lingers” but wonder if yellow isn’t luxuriating in the color – not colour – yellow)
It’s the secularism,
That waltz in a dash like some race! (Waltzing is slow and elegant and graceful – I find the image jarring – waltz/dash – again I would start with “It is… also, can you find a simpler word for secularism?)
The poem becomes a little confusing at this point and I think, needs to be simplified. Your ideas and images and flow all work – but the language is a bit convoluted and the poem starts to slip away from us.
One last thing. I really like your ending but –
The true festival of colours, (colors)
Is the colours that our hearts portrays! (are the colors that our hearts portray or heart portrays – one or the other.)
Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me, yet again. I love that you are such a prolific poet and that you are willing to share your work and allow me to make editing suggestions. Please resubmit after you’ve had a chance to work on it. Your Friend in Poetry, Susan
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