–

[Sarah01]

These are the vows

I took in silence

To love you the way you came to me

Reborn, the softest ray of sunshine

Presently unwavering

 

These are the songs i sung

At the sight of Twilight

The stars unappreciated but twinkling

Days shift to night

Only the candle’s light chastises us

Disregarded, the time spent hating

 

I promise to love you in peace

And to sow an oath gradually

Teach the soul the ways of loving

In secrecy, in rebellion

 

I love you with the knowledge of the dark

And that forever was doomed

Since the beginning

I love you the way you might not love me

Since i wrote it in blood, stilled

 

~ Sarah Sodi

[Susan Katz]

Hi Sarah, I am so sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your beautiful, well-written, emotionally meaningful poem.  We have been experiencing technical difficulties and the site would not let me respond – but, here I am – thanks to my genius tech guy – he found me away around the problem, for the moment.  I have only some small suggestions –

I love you the way you might not love me (you might want to use line break to your advantage here, and break the line after “might” and then, consider using “ever”loved me or, “be able” to love me – and then, I would end the poem with “blood” – “stilled” is a bit confusing.)

Since i wrote it in blood, stilled

This is a truly lovely poem, written with the heart and soul of a poet.  Thank you so very much for sharing it with me.  And again, my apologies in the delay of this response.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Sarah01]

Thank you so much for always responding and teaching me how I can be better. I do not have many people around who i could ask for help when it comes to writing. Even though you hardly know me, you are exceptionally good at detecting the faintest emotion that is attached to a word. I am extremely grateful.

[Author]

Posts