Love this! Concise and precise and says exactly what you want it to say and it does so, by creating two exciting images. Well done! If I were you and this were my poem, I would take out the commas and just let the poem flow – perhaps, leaving spaces ( 3 – 5) where you now have commas. The reason I suggest this is because the poem is so short – the images – one following the other – both powerful and I do feel the commas are like “stop signs” slowing us down from taking it all in a single, powerful “gulp.” Either way – commas or no commas, I will be featuring your poem on a future Instagram page post. Thank you so very much for sharing, Susan
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