dug my own grave

[Riya Jaiswal]

If I’m a disappointment

give up on me then

let me cradle in the 

arms of solitude

how does it even matter?

Wasn’t i a human?

Or you took me literally

everytime I said

“I feel like an alien”

It’s a lie if I say i cannot loathe

a lie, why? 

learnt to reciprocate

your hostility.

 

 

you weren’t there 

when you needed yourself?

You know why? 

Because i was there

goddamn every time.

It was never too much to ask

You say things which makes

less sense, blamed upon me

for losing my sanity?

eventually got infected

from your insensitivity.

 

I ripped myself 

stood naked under

their peircing gaze

To safe thy skin 

You know that, no? 

Thence i knew

You were nothing 

but coward

belittled me for showing valour

It were your fears, not mine.

I despised you 

For projecting them on me. 

I loved you

For showing my worth.

 

 

don’t wander searching for

my leftovers buried in

that shallow corner

where you triumphed

leaving me in dirt

dissolved in soil, thanks

for astraying me home

– my origin

sometimes I dug my own grave

one day,i sat on my tombstone

renewed -to take off

you didn’t destroy me

but lost me for evermore. off

you didn’t destroy me

but lost me for evermore.

[Susan Katz]

Wow!  This is a potent poem – filled with so much raw emotion.  While, you certainly have engaged me with your passion and honesty, I would, as a poet, wish for more in the way of imagery.  You tell us what you’re feeling (and felt) and in order for me to feel it too, become totally immersed in your poem, I need visual, sensory imagery.  Also, I would suggest that “less is more” where poetry is concerned.  Once you’ve said it, in the most powerfully poetic way possible, don’t say it again – just assume we got it and feel it and know it!  You have the sensitivity of a poet, the passion of a poet, and there are some very fine lines in your poem.  I would suggest (and it is just a suggestion) that you go back to your poem and try editing out all that is repetitive and see if you can turn some of those lines into images that incorporate one or more of the five senses.  Thank you so very much for trusting me to read and comment on your poem.  Your friend in Poetry,

Susan

[Author]

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