Thank you for sharing your poem with me. There is a lot that works here and some very fine moments as you move through the poem. I particularly like:
A grim face
A horror smile
The darkness swallows me whole
I have lost all control
My main suggestion would be to tighten the poem by eliminating unnecessary words. In poetry, less is more – for example: “A grim face
/ horror smile /darkness swallows me whole / I have lost control…”
You definitely have everything you need here for a very powerful poem. As with all writing, the fun part is writing – the hard part, is editing. Would love to see it again, if you choose to do some editing. Again, thank you so much for sharing with me. I love receiving new poems that enrich my day. Your friend in poetry, Susan
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